So I apologize for the radio silence. I wish I could take the time to really share this time with you. To talk about how it feels to be planning a wedding when your partner simply can't be there for an important stretch of wedding crunch time (because his career is definitely more important), how much more you value your relationship when he comes back to you, how every errand went off the rails in one stormy weekend (which set us back at least one precious day on the task list) and how food is not the answer (even if I've been treating is as a cure) for my stress.
So, in closing, I will say:
- If you are buying your beer at Coscto and have about 150 guests, you need more than one car and more than one person. You cannot fit beer for 150 people in a single Costco cart or a normal hatchback car. Also, while one person can certainly lift all those cases of beer, it's simply not fun. Learn from my mistake.
- If you live at the top of a steeeeeeeeep long driveway, perhaps one that's too steep for your car to drive up, ask a friend to store your BYOB drinks and booze. Or rent a dolly. Or enlist friends to help with unloading. Because carting all those cases of wine, juice, beer, and sparkling water yourself is a backache waiting to happen
- I hate rain. Rain is evil and will leave you in the middle of a blacked-out Target when the power goes out. By the way, Target has no windows. It is NOT a fun place to be in the middle of a rainstorm. I understand that the real lesson here is don't save your honeymoon and wedding shopping until two weeks out, but I prefer to focus on how horrid a pitch-black Target can be.
- DIY logistics are overrated. The Border Grill quoted me $350 for a chips and salsa appetizer buffet. My cheap self decided I could do it better and cheaper. Well... several trips to Costco, Party City, Chipotle, and now Gallegos Mexican Deli later, I have to say this might not have been worth my money-for-sanity tradeoff. We'll pull off appetizers for about $150 (I have to get 20 pounds of salsa. And 12 pounds of chips. And servingware.) but I'm not sure the 87 exploratory trips were worth it (or all the discarded non-chips-and-salsa DIY appetizer plans I ran through along the way).
- Don't listen to anyone who says brides always lose weight from stress before their wedding. If you are like me, and have long-term issues with stress eating, assume you will stress eat. Find ways to stop yourself before the binge takes control. And if the binge takes control, do NOT, under any circumstances, try on your dress. This is a recipe for panic and disaster. Also, if you binge two weeks before your wedding, that's probably a good amount of time to recover from your setback and get back on the healthy eating bandwagon. Avoid sodium and overeating and the dress thing should workout okay.
- If you're having trouble loading all the decor and alcohol in your car... assume you need a uhaul and reserve one now. We reserved a cargo van and I'm sleeping better at night.
- Rank your projects in order of priority. Some are going to get tossed, even if you don't want to believe it now. Really. Just trust me here.
- Don't be afraid to let things go, even if you already spent money on them you were really attached. When we actually mapped out our timeline for the weekend, we made space for the things that are really important (family, friends, people traveling from out of town, quiet time with my partner) and regretfully said goodbye to other plans. We are no longer doing karaoke in Koreatown on Friday night for any out of town and in-town friends. It was too much hassle to plan another RSVP event and collect money and hope we didn't hit our capacity of 30 people. We're going to hang at the hotel bar instead. We are no longer doing a pinata (even though we bought one for the wedding) because it just didn't make sense when we looked at the actual wedding timeline (we may do the pinata at our rehearsal barbecue, but maybe not. Maybe we'll just save it for our next party. We like pinatas. It will get used.)
- Make time for yourselves, alone. Even if it's just an hour a day. I had a mini-breakdown after I did the Thursday-Sunday timeline and realized we are scheduled for nearly every meal and every moment. I thought about having to entertain at four pre-wedding gatherings (some quite large) and run around like a headless chicken taking care of last minute errands at every other moment, and I lost it. Our rabbi helped by telling us to plan time for ourselves, each day. We will turn off our phones. We will not be accessible. We will spend time with each other taking a walk, heading to a spa (on Thursday night), or even just eating breakfast outside, by ourselves, the morning of our wedding. These moments are sacred. They are necessary. We need our space to fully appreciate the incredibly outpouring of noisy boisterous love from all around us. There's not much that I've been able to set aside as mine in this wedding process, but these few hours will be my selfish time with Jason. Like our post-ceremony 20 minutes of alone time, these are sacred moments.
But I'll be back. I promise. I'll have recaps - and not just of the "this happened" sort - and I want to get around to some posts that I never had the chance to write, and then I plan to stumble my way through the next phase of this blog. I'm sticking around, but I just need to take a short break so we can make it to our wedding on April 3.