Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Silence

Things here are beyond hectic. Jason got home from South by Southwest (for work) on Sunday night. I left for a business trip in Utah on Monday. We're both completely swamped with wedding errands, projects, emails, and last minute coordination. It's not that I don't have a lot to say about what's going on, but I simply don't have the time to say it. We're up until 1am every night with work and wedding stuff (and that's an improvement over Jason's recent spate of 5am/6am nights). We're on track to get this thing done and we've broken down our tasks into daily to-dos, but these tasks all require our full attention if we are going to finish everything in time for April 3.

So I apologize for the radio silence. I wish I could take the time to really share this time with you. To talk about how it feels to be planning a wedding when your partner simply can't be there for an important stretch of wedding crunch time (because his career is definitely more important), how much more you value your relationship when he comes back to you, how every errand went off the rails in one stormy weekend (which set us back at least one precious day on the task list) and how food is not the answer (even if I've been treating is as a cure) for my stress.

So, in closing, I will say:
  • If you are buying your beer at Coscto and have about 150 guests, you need more than one car and more than one person. You cannot fit beer for 150 people in a single Costco cart or a normal hatchback car. Also, while one person can certainly lift all those cases of beer, it's simply not fun. Learn from my mistake. 
  • If you live at the top of a steeeeeeeeep long driveway, perhaps one that's too steep for your car to drive up, ask a friend to store your BYOB drinks and booze. Or rent a dolly. Or enlist friends to help with unloading. Because carting all those cases of wine, juice, beer, and sparkling water yourself is a backache waiting to happen
  • I hate rain. Rain is evil and will leave you in the middle of a blacked-out Target when the power goes out. By the way, Target has no windows. It is NOT a fun place to be in the middle of a rainstorm. I understand that the real lesson here is don't save your honeymoon and wedding shopping until two weeks out, but I prefer to focus on how horrid a pitch-black Target can be.
  • DIY logistics are overrated. The Border Grill quoted me $350 for a chips and salsa appetizer buffet. My cheap self decided I could do it better and cheaper. Well... several trips to Costco, Party City, Chipotle, and now Gallegos Mexican Deli later, I have to say this might not have been worth my money-for-sanity tradeoff. We'll pull off appetizers for about $150 (I have to get 20 pounds of salsa. And 12 pounds of chips. And servingware.) but I'm not sure the 87 exploratory trips were worth it (or all the discarded non-chips-and-salsa DIY appetizer plans I ran through along the way).
  • Don't listen to anyone who says brides always lose weight from stress before their wedding. If you are like me, and have long-term issues with stress eating, assume you will stress eat. Find ways to stop yourself before the binge takes control. And if the binge takes control, do NOT, under any circumstances, try on your dress. This is a recipe for panic and disaster.  Also, if you binge two weeks before your wedding, that's probably a good amount of time to recover from your setback and get back on the healthy eating bandwagon. Avoid sodium and overeating and the dress thing should workout okay. 
  • If you're having trouble loading all the decor and alcohol in your car... assume you need a uhaul and reserve one now. We reserved a cargo van and I'm sleeping better at night. 
  • Rank your projects in order of priority. Some are going to get tossed, even if you don't want to believe it now. Really. Just trust me here.
  • Don't be afraid to let things go, even if you already spent money on them you were really attached. When we actually mapped out our timeline for the weekend, we made space for the things that are really important (family, friends, people traveling from out of town, quiet time with my partner) and regretfully said goodbye to other plans. We are no longer doing karaoke in Koreatown on Friday night for any out of town and in-town friends. It was too much hassle to plan another RSVP event and collect money and hope we didn't hit our capacity of 30 people. We're going to hang at the hotel bar instead. We are no longer doing a pinata (even though we bought one for the wedding) because it just didn't make sense when we looked at the actual wedding timeline (we may do the pinata at our rehearsal barbecue, but maybe not. Maybe we'll just save it for our next party. We like pinatas. It will get used.)
  • Make time for yourselves, alone. Even if it's just an hour a day. I had a mini-breakdown after I did the Thursday-Sunday timeline and realized we are scheduled for nearly every meal and every moment. I thought about having to entertain at four pre-wedding gatherings (some quite large) and run around like a headless chicken taking care of last minute errands at every other moment, and I lost it. Our rabbi helped by telling us to plan time for ourselves, each day. We will turn off our phones. We will not be accessible. We will spend time with each other taking a walk, heading to a spa (on Thursday night), or even just eating breakfast outside, by ourselves, the morning of our wedding. These moments are sacred. They are necessary. We need our space to fully appreciate the incredibly outpouring of noisy boisterous love from all around us. There's not much that I've been able to set aside as mine in this wedding process, but these few hours will be my selfish time with Jason. Like our post-ceremony 20 minutes of alone time, these are sacred moments.
I don't know if I'll have a chance to write again. I will try. I miss the way that writing helps me process what's happening. I miss this community and your support and feedback. I miss reading your comments and blogs. I miss our conversations on twitter. I miss you all. But I have to pull back and take care of us. I'll check in if I can, and then we're off for the honeymoon on April 4 where I won't be able to check in at all.

But I'll be back. I promise. I'll have recaps - and not just of the "this happened" sort - and I want to get around to some posts that I never had the chance to write, and then I plan to stumble my way through the next phase of this blog. I'm sticking around, but I just need to take a short break so we can make it to our wedding on April 3.

18 comments:

  1. Good luck! You can do it! I'm very much looking forward to your triumphant return post-honeymoon.

    P.S. My fiance is currently on his second work trip during my internship/our wedding crunch time, and it totally sucks. I completely sympathize. Soon we'll all be married though! Woo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahh! I've missed you too! Hang in there and make sure you actually DO take that time for yourself- it's so so important! Have a wonderful time with your friends, family and most importantly with Jason! Lots of love from blogland!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay, YOU! You are in the final countdown. Soon, very soon, maybe a day before your guests start arriving, you will let go of the remaining things on your list (or press family members into service) and then enjoy this amazing weekend that you've worked so hard to pull together.

    For me, it was like the pause before Christmas, when all the gifts are wrapped, everyone's asleep, and the day ahead is just about relaxing and being with family. (Not sure if the metaphor works, as I don't think you celebrate Christmas...maybe there's a pause before Passover?) A different metaphor: after months of prep, the ship had left the port, and all there was to do was sail and hang on.

    I was a stress eater, too! I think I *gained* several pounds right before the wedding. But in the last week, I got to the gym, drank tons of water, tried to quell the munchies, and the dress was perfect. Yours will be, too! Enjoy! You f*cking rule!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That list was awesome. And, I've totally been in a Target when the power went, and I kinda turned immediately into a freak and ran to Mike and grabbed him. Like he was a child that might get kidnapped or something, instead of a 29 year old man.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hang in there, you'll make it. Promise. And good on you, taking the time you need to prepare for everything. You'll be so glad that you did! Wishing you nothing but the best leading up to, and the days following . . .

    ReplyDelete
  6. Been thinking about you, but not surprised by the silence - we'll still be here after! Take the time you need (or can grab) to prep and breathe and hold each other close.

    Sending lots of good thoughts your way!! Hoping some of that wedding zen (or "f*ck it all, let's just hang on tight & enjoy the ride") soaks into your wedding weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was so nice to hear from you! I have been following for a long while and I'm really excited for you- it's been so nice to see your blog grow. Your smart and sassy. I like that you are prioritizing, having alone time with J and saying eff it to the rest. Wedding zen will come, you will both get to take it all in and it will be amazing. Plus you guys are gonna have a pretty bad ass dance party! Enjoy x

    ReplyDelete
  8. To talk about how it feels to be planning a wedding when your partner simply can't be there for an important stretch of wedding crunch time (because his career is definitely more important), how much more you value your relationship when he comes back to you

    My husband is writing a book, and he was gone for about three weeks last July/August, and our wedding was in September. Not as close as yours was (initially it was supposed to be longer/cut closer to the wedding, and I begged him to reshuffle), but still it made for a hectic time leading up to the wedding.

    Also, about a month after the wedding, he left again, this time for 6 weeks. I met up with him for a few days in New Orleans, but it was really hard being apart for that long.

    In other words, I understand how you feel. I'm glad he's back home to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. oh no! good lookin' out about the beer...i'll keep that in mind. hope things cool down soon for you...i feel like i'm learning so much from your words-de-wisdom and i don't have much to offer.

    ReplyDelete
  10. We just got married 3 weeks ago and the things I remember most about the time right before the wedding is... first... time literally evaporates. We had planned on having alone time but it seemed to be the first thing to erased off the schedule. We always had people around. And it ended up being great having that much love and support and distraction from all the stress! And second... we were sooo sleep deprived. If I could go back in time, I'd make my top priority sleep. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You've been in my thoughts and I was wondering how things are going. I'm happy and stressed for you at the same time. I know that things must be overwhelming, but they will all be over soon.

    Looking forward to hearing about your experience in these final throes when you return. They will be a good prep for me.

    Sending you motivational vibes to push through the last to dos and get thee to thy wedding and honeymoon!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think you're doing the exact right thing - you're saying that some things have to slide in the lead up to the wedding, and blog posts are definitely one of them.

    As someone getting married not longer after you, I've been reading your blog in part as a tutorial for what I can expect in the coming weeks. This post in particular really helped me to remember that some things (like getting time with your loved one) are incredibly important.

    I wish you so much Good Luck and Best Wishes for your happiness on the day (and afterwards)!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Girl - you rock my world. Seriously, you rock. My wedding is May 7th and your blog has been an absolute oasis for me.

    If it helps any, I experienced a minor rainstorm blackout last Sunday while in Macys lingerie department looking for bridal spanx. :) We'll all be here for the mad recaps. Have a wonderful time.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I've been thinking about you too. Hang in there! You are almost there and all the important stuff will get done. :)

    And-- My now-husband was out of the country for the two weeks before we got married. Which was only a months after I had just moved to his country. Yep. The distance is super hard in the crunch weeks, especially. But he arrived back in town on a Tuesday and we got married on that Saturday and all worked out just fine. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I miss reading your posts, but go go go! See you on the flip side.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You can do it! It sounds like you have things under control, even though you might feel like you don't at times. It will be here before you know it and everything important (and probably some of the non-mandatory extras) will fall into place. I think keeping those hours and moments for just the two of you amid the craziness of the weekend and the crush of family sounds like a great idea. Good luck with the last week of prep and have an amazing wedding weekend celebrating with the ones you love! I'll look forward to reading about it on the other side.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good luck! I'm looking forward to hearing about it from the other side.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ah, I know this tone that you have. Bless your heart! As much as you are thinking: "this is NOT going to all get done", somehow it does. Just in time.

    I'm thinking about you and can't wait to hear all about it! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

I love active conversations, including (civil) disagreement. I don't love spam or people who use internet anonymity to be rude and disparaging. Spam and rudeness will be deleted.