Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Silver Linings

You may have heard that Gawker Media got hacked. Because I have a commenter account for Gawker and the hackers posted commenter information over on Pirate Bay, I spent a lot of time making sure all my online user names, email logins, and passwords were still secure. First I updated my email, financial, and social media accounts. Then I remembered I had Amazon, Etsy, and Ebay accounts I needed to check. My mess of three emails, five user names, and four password options meant I was pretty safe, despite the security breach (here's some tips on building stronger passwords and tips on how to manage your mass of online passwords).

And then, a few hours later, it hit me that I still have a few random online dating profiles out in the internet ether. I haven't logged in* or paid for an account since I met Jason, but my inactive accounts still exist and my profiles are still searchable (though someone would have to be pretty desperate to send an email to someone who hadn't logged into Jdate in over four years). But I'd genuinely forgotten about those profiles since hey, it's been over four years since I've cared about dating anyone aside from Jason. So I'm finding a silver linking in this Gawker hacking irritation: it reminded me that there's no better way to welcome in married life than by permanently deleting old dating profiles.

So, in tribute to the woman who was brave enough to consider meeting a stranger on the internet and who is more than ready to marry him, a snippet from the Becca of five years ago:
"The first thing people notice about me: I'm 5'9" without heels. And I've been known to wear heels.

The six things I could never do without: a sense of adventure, a moment of alone time, a few heartfelt laughs shared with friends, an appreciation for the absurd, a swiss army knife, and cold drinks on perfectly hot summer days. 

You should message me if: you love the banter of a great argument; you stand at the airport newsstand debating for 15 minutes and then eventually decide to buy both the Economist and something trashy; you've stopped whining about how plastic and fake LA is because you're too busy enjoying a hike in the Santa Monica Mountains; you prefer a smoky dive bar with a dart board to standing around and looking cool; you go to the gym because you want to feel healthy and not because you adore your biceps; you know how to cook up a great tofu dish and a mean steak; you love the occasional pajama Sunday; you laugh out loud at yourself on a regular basis."
It's nice to have this reminder that my relationship hasn't changed the parts at my core: I've just matured and grown stronger with Jason. And even better, it's incredible to realize that he was attracted to that core and that he actually fit the description of the person I was hoping to find (minus the tofu, though he's definitely mastered some delicious vegetarian meals over the last few years). But the best part is that I'm ready to say goodbye now to who we were because I'm much more focused on building our future.

*Ok, fine. I've logged into OK Cupid a few times because that's where I met Jason. But I feel like nostalgia-schmooping over my fiance's old profile doesn't really count as problematic use of online dating sites.


  1. I swear that the best thing about 21st Century relationships is that we have it all documented. I love nothing more than reading through our old MSN conversations, to see who we were and how we became who we are.

    And BTW - I so would've messaged you ;)


  2. They seriously should have friend finding sites that you can write profiles to find compatible friends. I would have sent you a message instantly based on this profile! Heart the line: "you stand at the airport newsstand debating for 15 minutes and then eventually decide to buy both the Economist and something trashy."

  3. that sounds completely awesome. sorry something so paranoia-inducing caused the trip down memory lane, but it sounds like the view was lovely along the way.

  4. for our wedding website my man and i used our Jdate.com "about me" as our "about me" and it was our first impression of each other and part of our history.

  5. I have our written profiles saved because the same goes true for us. Who we are hasn't changed at all and I still love to read what he wrote, simply because I feel like he wrote it TO ME. :)

  6. @beccasaid: I know! I wrote a candid livejournal entry the day after I met B, and I love going back and reading it--especially since it was all about how I was intending to NOT go out with him, as I was too busy. Ha. I used to have dozens of chats saved, when we were doing the long distance thing, but I lost them when my old pc crashed.

    @Ms Bunny: I was thinking the same thing!

    @Becca: do you still have his profile stored somewhere? It might be a good idea to copy it down, too, just to you have it in the future. :)

  7. Don't worry - we absolutely saved our profiles! I also have copies of all our first emails too (and a gushing email to my BFF about the first date) and still sneak peeks now and then.

    @Rayliz we thought about doing something similar or incorporating the words somehow at the wedding because yes, it's a wonderful part of our history!

    @Thirty-Something Bride: I had the same feeling when I read Jason's profile. The similarities in our responses to the same questions would have been creepy if they weren't so right.


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