Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Wedding Planning Romance

A long week. A glass of wine. A record player. A first-dance excuse as a reason to find time to hold each other and sway our way through some songs on a quiet night at home.

Wedding planning provides very few opportunities for romance, despite all our focus on a day that we hope will be full of love and joy. Because somehow, weddings aren't really about romance. The thought of standing up in front of 150 people and publicly committing myself to Jason isn't romantic. I hope it will be powerful, joyful, loving, and a little bit emotionally overwhelming. But I'm not counting on romance, which, for me, is bound up in the small moments of pausing and reflection. Curling up together after the wedding will hopefully be romantic (among other things). Waking up the next morning, taking in the wedding experience will hopefully be romantic. The honeymoon had darn well be romantic.

But weddings, and all the wedding planning leading up to it, can be decidedly unromantic. Instead, I'm finding that weddings are about the hard work of love. They're about the real life disagreements, compromises, and processes of working things out that help lay the groundwork for a lifetime of we-can-handle-anything love. So it's nice to find an excuse for romance in the middle of all these hard decisions and to-do lists. It's nice to find an excuse for wine, music, and dancing. And even if you can't dance (truthfully, we haven't been out dancing in a while, and our feet might have been a bit clumsy) it was a nice excuse for a long hug set to some of our favorite songs.

And while I wouldn't say OK Go is one of our favorite bands, we really like them, and some of their their music videos are truly art. Their new video for Last Leaf is evocative, gorgeous, and just about the right length for a long hug set to music. So I thought I'd share, because we all need more excuses for dancing and romance in our lives. So maybe tonight you can go home, turn this on, sway with your partner, and soak in the two minutes and forty one seconds of romance.


  1. This is beautiful! The writing & the video, actually. I find romance in those sweet little moments throughout the day...but I have this weird inkling that you two will find your own way to make the ceremony romantic...even just a look.

  2. Wow! I agree... You don't think of wedding planning as being unromantic... But it really is. But it's also a great time to really work on your negotiation skills as a couple. :)

  3. I agree with this. I find our relationship incredibly romantic, but wedding stuff is work. Work is not romantic.

  4. Yeah, it's not very romantic at all. I recently came up with the following metaphor: planning a wedding is like spending $10,000 (or whatever your budget is) on a big spotlight to be placed above you (the couple) for the whole planning process. It's pretty awkward and unromantic, and also, it's completely intentional, which is weird.

    I also wouldn't call OK Go a favorite, but man do they know how to make a great video.

  5. so sweet. also, that video is so great! their videos constantly surprise me and I love how unique and completely fun they all are


I love active conversations, including (civil) disagreement. I don't love spam or people who use internet anonymity to be rude and disparaging. Spam and rudeness will be deleted.