Thursday, September 23, 2010

In Search Of

I can get through this
I will get through this
I've done it before I can do it again.
This too shall pass
You've managed harder challenges than this!
Who needs sleep anyhow?

Hmm. I think my mantra skills need work. I think mantras are supposed to inspire and not just blow dejected-seeming hot air around the same sad facts. But this is all I'm capable of right now.

Zen is a myth than can go jump off a bridge. I'm currently giving another presentation in another far-off city while my to-do list continues to mock me, smug in the knowledge that it can never be conquered and that my boss will be unhappy about eight still incomplete/in-progress tasks when I arrive back in the office, despite a sure-to-be-great presentation. "Sure-to-be-great presentation." Hmm. Yeah. That's my "I f*cking rule" enthusiasm for the day. Because it WILL be great, but it won't help me with anything beyond another checkbox on my to-do list.. Zen and balance and self-help exhortations can take that mantra and wave it around like a battle cry, because success in this one teeny corner of life is all that's keeping the rest of my life from going over a ledge. Balance: ha. Zen: ha. Survival: yes, please.

Oh, and I haven't done one lick of work on my wedding website or save the date since I wrote about it last week. Nor have I done a lick of work on anything wedding related in the last month. A human being can only handle so much before she has to prioritize and shed deadweight obligations. That's right wedding, I'm talking about you. You can go jump in a pond with Zen and Balance and come back when you're ready to play nice again.

9 comments:

  1. I think there are weeks when tasks on the to-do list fall like dominos, and you feel like you can conquer the world. And then there are the weeks when simply keeping your head above water and not giving into the temptation to kick people is a huge triumph. Those weeks, you f*cking rule because you f*cking made it out alive.

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  2. There is a reason you are not doing wedding stuff. It just doesn't need to be done yet.

    You are prioritising. It's all good.

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  3. pour the tequila.

    and wedding stuff is always there. don't succumb to the timeline pressure. it'll still be there when you've had time to breathe.

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  4. i love what elizabeth said. a little tequila is sometimes necessary!

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  5. You work your ass off and you should feel good about it. I know there's a million other things to do. But if you are doing your best and putting in the right amount of time and care that your projects require, then you should feel good about your work. Screw your boss. And screw the wedding — you'll get around it it when you're ready to.

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  6. Mmm tequila. Great suggestion for Friday night. It's just been one of those months and it will sort itself out at some point. I'm just looking forward to not flying anywhere for a few weeks and being able to really dig into that to-do list. Yay.

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  7. Dude. My zen didn't happen until we were in the middle of our VOWS.

    ... I really wish someone had poured me tequila in the final weeks...

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  8. you can do it! power to the mantra. also, sangria helps

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