It finally happened. I finally lost my wedding cool in a huge way. After thirteen months of trying really hard to keep myself sane, I found myself consumed in a spiraling vortex of bridal hell because another couple used one of the most emotionally resonant wedding "details" that I'd been planning on using for our wedding. What sort of detail could inspire me to ignore Jason for the entire car ride home from the airport? It must have been something that hit at the core of our wedding, right? Ha. I wish it had been something important. But all it took to nudge me off my stress-ledge-edge was finding out that another couple used the same freaking escort card idea I'd been planning on creating and my eyes began to shoot little daggers of hate in all directions.
I wish I could blame my grumpiness on having to navigate LAX at midnight to pick up Jason, who had just arrived back from a wedding in New York, but my dark silence only descended when he mentioned their escort card detail. I wish I could say I maintained some semblance of "welcome back" cheerfulness while listening to Jason gush about the idea that I'd had months ago but that I hadn't yet shared, but it turns out I'm not that mature and I suddenly got stingy with my "welcome back" kisses. I wish I could say that I didn't immediately sulk about how horribly unoriginal we'll seem now that all his college friends have attended this New York wedding, but I glowered and grumbled the entire drive home.
I know I'm being ridiculous. And I'm comforting myself with knowing that I'm not throwing a hissy fit about flowers or garlands or pinatas or even the physical design of the escort cards. Nope, I could still care less if someone else has a pinata or papel picado decorating their fiesta wedding. Instead, I'm being ridiculous about the emotion of a plan that I'd been holding close to my heart and hidden from the blog. I'm being a brat because someone else had the same great idea about one of the details that felt too personal to share here (believe it or not, there are a few details I'm keeping quiet about so our community can discover them in person, for themselves) and now it's out, running around, impressing our friends well before my brilliant wedding had a chance to wow them all instead. I have been reduced to a whiny copycat bride who recognizes that she's behaving like a giant jerk, but is too ticked off to care right now.
On the plus side, I have calmed down enough to kiss Jason again. I may be dumb enough to get emotionally invested in ephemeral wedding detail crap, but at least I'm not dumb enough to forget why I'm putting up with this wedding crap in the first place. I'm sure that it will only take a day or so to regain some perspective and figure out how to make this detail our own again... just in time for the next moment of wedding ridiculousness to strike. I have a sinking suspicion that because we're six months out from our April wedding the stress of wedding planning and life living have finally combined into a toxic brew of short fuses and ridiculous temper tantrums.
On the plus side, I'm really looking forward to that honeymoon. I cannot say enough good things about our honeymoon plans. Yay.