Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde the Bride

It finally happened. I finally lost my wedding cool in a huge way. After thirteen months of trying really hard to keep myself sane, I found myself consumed in a spiraling vortex of bridal hell because another couple used one of the most emotionally resonant wedding "details" that I'd been planning on using for our wedding. What sort of detail could inspire me to ignore Jason for the entire car ride home from the airport? It must have been something that hit at the core of our wedding, right? Ha. I wish it had been something important. But all it took to nudge me off my stress-ledge-edge was finding out that another couple used the same freaking escort card idea I'd been planning on creating and my eyes began to shoot little daggers of hate in all directions.

I wish I could blame my grumpiness on having to navigate LAX at midnight to pick up Jason, who had just arrived back from a wedding in New York, but my dark silence only descended when he mentioned their escort card detail. I wish I could say I maintained some semblance of "welcome back" cheerfulness while listening to Jason gush about the idea that I'd had months ago but that I hadn't yet shared, but it turns out I'm not that mature and I suddenly got stingy with my "welcome back" kisses. I wish I could say that I didn't immediately sulk about how horribly unoriginal we'll seem now that all his college friends have attended this New York wedding, but I glowered and grumbled the entire drive home. 

I know I'm being ridiculous. And I'm comforting myself with knowing that I'm not throwing a hissy fit about flowers or garlands or pinatas or even the physical design of the escort cards. Nope, I could still care less if someone else has a pinata or papel picado decorating their fiesta wedding. Instead, I'm being ridiculous about the emotion of a plan that I'd been holding close to my heart and hidden from the blog. I'm being a brat because someone else had the same great idea about one of the details that felt too personal to share here (believe it or not, there are a few details I'm keeping quiet about so our community can discover them in person, for themselves) and now it's out, running around, impressing our friends well before my brilliant wedding had a chance to wow them all instead. I have been reduced to a whiny copycat bride who recognizes that she's behaving like a giant jerk, but is too ticked off to care right now.

On the plus side, I have calmed down enough to kiss Jason again. I may be dumb enough to get emotionally invested in ephemeral wedding detail crap, but at least I'm not dumb enough to forget why I'm putting up with this wedding crap in the first place. I'm sure that it will only take a day or so to regain some perspective and figure out how to make this detail our own again... just in time for the next moment of wedding ridiculousness to strike. I have a sinking suspicion that because we're six months out from our April wedding the stress of wedding planning and life living have finally combined into a toxic brew of short fuses and ridiculous temper tantrums.

On the plus side, I'm really looking forward to that honeymoon. I cannot say enough good things about our honeymoon plans. Yay.

18 comments:

  1. Hello twin.

    I am completely the same. I do get a little grumpers when people "steal" my ideas yet I know they are not my ideas.

    I want to share my ideas but also think I want to keep something to myself to surprise everyone.

    Stupid me thinking my wedding is a contest. Stupid long engagement.

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  2. Shortly after I got engaged, I went with my friend S. to the bridal salon where she'd bought her dress, RK Bridal in New York, a giant store where you pull your own gowns off the rack to try them on. I pulled about four to try while S. was in the fitting room with the seamstress, then went back to see S.

    Her dress was gorgeous, and I asked who made it. She said Jasmine, and I said that I'd just pulled a Jasmine off the rack to try on. S snapped, "Well, as long as it's not MY dress!"

    Her eyes immediately widened in disbelief that she'd just said that, and we both had a good laugh over it, but S. is the least selfish, least possessive person I know, and she still had a bit of a moment when she pictured someone else wearing HER dress.

    Anyway. The point: a lot of emotions get tied up in wedding details, especially ones that you think of as uniquely yours, or ones that you worked really hard on. You are so not alone in those feelings, so don't beat yourself up too much!

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  3. I get it, I do, but as someone who liberally "borrowed" the best of my friends weddings (yes, I asked) and then tried to make it my own I can tell you that few people will either notice or care that they have seen the detail before. I know that might sound harsh, but it's true.

    Your wedding will be special and unique because of you and Jason - not because of your escort cards (I know you know that too!)

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  4. *Hugs* It is completely normal to have this kind of a moment. As much as we try to be sane and rational in our approaches to planning, some things have a lot of emotions tied up in them. I have some ideas that I am not sharing with my blog either. I would be insanely jealous if I found out someone else did them first. And I'd probably turn into a brat too.

    You'll cool off with a little time. And I'm sure most of the guests will forget about the other wedding's escort cards. And your wedding will be uniquely different, because it's you and Jason and not so and so and so and so.

    More *hugs* and you are not alone in the crazies.

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  5. Oh, gosh. I totally get this. In fact, I have a special project that I'm keeping all nice and quiet until it goes out to our family and friends, and after everything has been mailed off -- then I'm planning to post a nice long how-to post. It's petty and ridiculous, but there you go.

    I'm Gollum, and this one little pet project is my One, so if any of you do it first, I may have to come to your house and put toothpaste on your toilet seat and stuff your bra in the freezer while you sleep.

    I kid. Sorta. But at least I'm not proud of it.

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  6. I totally get this. I have thought a few times how grateful I am that I'm a little ahead of the "everyone get married now" curve in my group of friends, so we don't all have to compete for ideas.

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  7. Definitely. As much as we all talk about "never" losing our cool in the wedding planning process, it's bound to happen to most of us. "I may be dumb enough to get emotionally invested in ephemeral wedding detail crap, but at least I'm not dumb enough to forget why I'm putting up with this wedding crap in the first place." There you go, girl.

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  8. How appropriate that I'm stealing a quote from Jim Jarmusch about stealing ideas... or as we media peeps call it, "appropriating":

    "Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination... authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don't bother concealing your thievery - celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: 'It's not where you take things from - it's where you take things to."

    Seriously, I can relate. But in the end, what do you think will impress the guests more - the gesture you had in mind originally, or who thought up the idea first? You'll make it your own. That's what weddings are all about - taking something that's been done a bazillion times, or perhaps only a few, and then making it your own. You got this in the bag, lady. :)

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  9. Um, I can be this way in real life sometimes, even without a wedding. Even when I know I'm being stupid. I had a screaming argument with my sister a few years ago when she wanted to wear the same perfume as I do and I COULD NOT get her to understand why it bothered me (I like to think that our family and D associate the scent with me alone even though I know a million other people wear it). Sometimes those little details get invested with more emotion than we realize.

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  10. it happens, lady.

    happening once is WAY better than daily. so i consider you ahead of the game.

    (my Big Wedding Freakout was over the damn placecards, too)

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  11. Haha I KNOWWWWW. I've scrapped ideas that I came up with on my own after randomly seeing them done. I can't help it! it's not a wedding thing, it's a ME thing.

    & then there are the things that are intrinsic to MY childhood and MY land and MY wedding that I feel a furious ownership over - like, "how dare you remove these details from their place and put them in some random wedding for no reason, oh wedding stylist meanheads!!!!"

    I'm getting over it. Some things we have no choice over, and some things - well, I'm just tired of thinking about it.

    But, you know, on the flip side - there was NO WAY I was going to talk about those invites until I finished them! The internet is chock-full of idea snipers.

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  12. we went to an amazing wedding a couple weeks before ours. it was like 'once wed: the wedding'. i wanted to scream and cry because she did several things i did but better and cooler. sigh. in the end, it all worked out but i don't regret getting stressed and upset. you need to let those emotions out or they build up and you explode!

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  13. The ittiestbittiest fraction of your guests will even notice that something is similar to what has been on the blogs. The wedding I did last weekend had books, milk bottles and peaches...totally been done and, ya know what, all the guests raved about how unique it was and how they had never seen anything quite like it. Not everyone is a wedding-blog reading crazy like us!

    PS: SOOOOOO good to finally meet you, girl. You're even more fun in person. ;)

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  14. @Verhext: TOTALLY would have stoln those invites (if I could have afforded them)!

    @Becca - Boo. I hate when that happens. Don't take it out the man though! HE didn't steal your incredibly awesome, totally unique idea. That bitchy bride did.

    *smirk*

    Are you still going to do it, tantrums aside?

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  15. This happens to the best of us, I can certainly understand. I am sure in time you will calm down and be able to add a creative twist to make it your own again. The important thing to remember as the wedding gets closer is your wedding will be special and unique because there is only one you and one Jason in this world and you are both special.

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  16. It happened once to me, and it affected the hubby too, and we both went a bit crazy for about half an hour. Luckily, we were at the Church for rehearsal, and a soft speaking from the priest got our heads on straight. It was hiillaaarriious to be smacked down by a Priest, though. :D

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  17. haha, it happens to the best of us. it's only normal. you invest so much time and effort that going back to the drawing board is so daunting. those people with super short engagements are on to something. :)

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