Thursday, September 2, 2010

Celebrations: I F*cking Rule

Jason and I have a personal ritual. At the end of the day, all snuggled up together in bed, we have to tell each other the best moment of our day. It might have been an average day. It might have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And it might have been stupendously awesome day (fingers crossed.) Regardless, there's always a best moment. A moment that, if you search for it long enough and if you focus your mental energies on that bright spot, can turn a day around and welcome in the serenity of good sleep. It can remind you that the terrible horribleness doesn't have to win.

So I've decided I need to do that with weddings planning. And I've decided that wedding planning needs something stronger than a snugglable reflective moment. It needs a H*ll Yeah! moment. Or, to use a phrase from our house, an "I F*cking Rule" moment. Just imagine cheering "I f*cking rule!" while pointing at yourself and doing a mini victory dance for your wedding accomplishments.  Maybe you finally finished making, addressing, and stamping your invitations and getting them in the mail. Maybe you finally told an insistent family member "No" and they finally heard you. Maybe you finally realized that saying "Yes" was a better idea than "No" because the X doesn't really matter to you anyhow, and your soul is now lighter for letting it go. Yeah. You f*cking rule.

And, in taking a cue from the brilliant blog about body image acceptance journeys called Eat The Damn Cake (oh trust me, I do), I'm going to add a weekly "I F*cking Rule" moment about self-image too. In Kate's words, this would be an "unroast, aka something I like about the way I look that day, and why I like it." Because, as she points out, "it’s absolutely absurd that I, or any other woman, should have to waste time feeling unattractive" And yet, somehow weddings in all their absurdity create all sorts of time-wasting obsessions about attractiveness. (Because clearly, that's the important part about a day in which you're publicly committing to your partner for life.) So no more. Because you f*cking rule.

Goodness knows, this wedding cr*p can weigh us down with both stress for the mounting to-dos (that we're all obviously doing "wrong," or at least not "right" enough for someone else) and self-hatred for not being enough.  The wedding is a constant slew of not-enoughs: not enough money, not enough weight loss, not enough time, not enough creativity, not enough energy, not enough seats in the venue, and generally just not good enough at all. Well, enough with all that. I f*cking rule and so do you. So let's take a few moments to celebrate it.

Here's why I f*cking rule this week:
  • I contacted an important family member to ask for more involvement in the wedding. I think this family member wants it, and I want it, but neither of us were bringing it up. So instead of sitting here wondering, I finally contacted this person to open a dialogue.
  • I'm on vacation right now. I'm savoring a real, honest-to-goodness vacation in someplace neither of us have ever been (Oregon). And we're taking an honest-to-goodness vacation from any and all wedding talk during these five days. It is glorious.
  • Yes, I have crows feet. Most of you got very upset with me in the comments on Monday for discussing my crows feet by exclaiming "WHAT? You don't have crows feet? Those are smile lines! I don't see what you're talking about. I wouldn't have noticed them if you didn't say anything." And so on. But here's the thing: I like my lines. Call them crows feet or whatever, but they are very clearly lines that mark years of smiles. I didn't mention them on Monday to be self-deprecating, but because they genuinely surprised me. I could swear my skin was smoother last week. And yet, how can I complain? They are my proof of a life well-lived and a life worth living. For those of us who are wary of botox, these sorts of lines are an inevitable part of aging and proof that I've made it here. That I've left behind those challenging years in my 20s and that I'm closer to who I want to be. That I've hopefully learned from a bit too much sun, a few too many late nights, and an unfortunate ex-smoking habit. But they are mostly just proof that I like to smile through it all. And posting my honest, unretouched photo, with my smile lines front and center, was strangely powerful. For someone who hates photos of herself, let alone prominently imperfect photos, this was a big moment in admitting that I can like myself, imperfections and all. 
How about you? Feel free to go anon if it's safer, but also feel free to let it out so we can all cheer for your I F*cking Rule accomplishments.


  1. My biggest I f*cking rule moment...when my MIL told me that all my ideas for the wedding that she thought were crazy worked out beautifully. Hell yes!

  2. yes!! don't you love her blog? sigh. that post about brides looking in the mirror was so moving for me.


    I f*cking rule because I just received my wedding slippers (eco-toes by infusion fibres, LOVE THEM) and I have decided that YES i am wearing them outside, in october, on the grass. Cuz I want to. :)

  3. As always, well put. (and I think you f*cking rule, just because ;))

    "So instead of sitting here wondering, I finally contacted this person to open a dialogue."

    man, that can be so tough sometimes, even when you KNOW the other person's thinking about it, too.

    Enjoy Oregon! I've only been there once, but I thought it was beautiful (I was near Eugene).

    I f*cking rule because... hmm... I'm trying hard to be supportive and encouraging about my husband's job interview, because I know it means a lot to him... even though his getting the job might mean some tough times for me/us (including living apart, wahhh).

  4. You do f*cking rule!

    I f*cking rule because I finally figured out how to honor my stepdad, who died two years ago, without making the wedding feel like an extension of his funeral.

  5. Thanks for the shout out! You DO f*cking rule! And not just because you mentioned my blog. But because, well, you just do.

    Also, amazing post title.

    I f*cking rule because I can go to a movie by myself and laugh loudly and have a great time.

  6. I love the idea of your bedtime ritual. Talking out our days before we go to sleep is one of our big things too, and it's so precious to me (and why I always feel "off" when I am travelling without G.) but trying to focus on the positive is even better; I have a lot of trouble purging my brain of stress and getting to sleep sometimes. Awesome idea.

  7. Awwww....I love this post and you- because, duh, you f*cking rule! Period. And I LOVE your bedtime ritual too!!

    This week I f*cking rule b/c I've let go of the fact that my sister won't be arriving in LA/shopping for her BM dress until 3 days before our wedding. Yeah. Crazy right? But I can't do anything about it, so I'm not gonna stress about it one little bit. Oh and I'm making some bad ass boutonierres after I enjoy another cup of coffee!

  8. I f*cking rule because I love crows, feet and all.

  9. I f*cking rule because today, I was finally, finally, FINALLY approved for my Canadian driver's license! They kept sending me away with new and completely different instructions for the documents I was supposed to bring, but I persisted, and finally they approved me! Whee!

  10. I am hearing you on the not enough front. Not enough sleep is my main issue right now. If I could just mainline coffee, I would.

    But we didn't come here to discuss the not enoughs, did we?

    Here is why I fracking rule:
    1) I bought materials for our guest book, which is going to be sort of like a DIY photo booth. That has been smoking crack.
    2) PLANS. I has them. They are coming together.
    3) I um... said the hell with it and bought new clothes for the honeymoon. I am actually washing them and then putting them inside my suitcase as they arrive in the mail. I just may end up with a suitcase that's 75% full of new clothes, which is undeniably awesome.
    4) I am eating macaroni and cheese on Saturday night. Yes, I planned dinner this far ahead. YES, I AM EXCITED.

    Here are some spare exclamation points for further illustration!

  11. OK, I'm going to say "fucking" on your blog, is that OK? The * fools no one! And I have a potty mouth! Or potty fingers, I should say.

    I can't wait for my vacation. Of course, it will be a somewhat permanent vacation, but I'm taking time off from all regardless.

    I need a fucking break. :)

  12. Good reasons, you've sufficiently convinced me that you F*cking rule.

  13. i f*cking rule because i stopped trying to do IT ALL this week. ya know? freeing.

  14. You do rule :) and thanks for the tip off on that blog...

  15. I love that you share the best part of your day with each other. I'm going to share that idea with my sweetheart.

    I am super happy today to learn that a good friend just got engaged. I am so happy for her and I'm excited that we get to start planning our respective weddings at the same time. yeah!


  17. I fucking rule because the combination of good genes, sun protection, and my simplistic skincare routine have netted great skin that's pretty low maintenance, which suits my "I would give anything to sleep for 10 more minutes" morning stance perfectly. Same thing for my hair, have a good haircut and I'm ready to go.

  18. I fucking rule because we just ordered our wedding bands! And because last night, I spent $24 on a lipstick. Without being angry about it. Oh, and I found us a first dance song. GO ME!

  19. I effin rule because I have just finished our invitations despite our foster cat jumping in the paint and traipsing it over the house.

    Actually maybe my cat freakin rules?

  20. I fucking rule because I have not done a single wedding related thing for a whole week.

  21. i fucking rule because i´´m true to myself, waking up all days as if the day will be great!! even when things go quite wrong right now...but tomorrow will be another very different day...probably better than the day true to yourself! and enjoy it!

  22. I moved to a strange new city by myself for grad school, and today I finished the second of two huge entrance exams. It's not really wedding related, except that I got engaged a few weeks before I moved. In fact, I'm in a non-wedding-planning state of engagement right now. But I just got a chance to read this post, and it coincided perfectly with my grad school "I f*cking rule!" moment! (Which in this case is a big enough deal to be an "I f*cking rule, and I deserve a drink!" moment.)


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