Thursday, May 20, 2010

Wedding Wishes for A Cupcake Wedding

When I began on this blogging journey, I was simply throwing words onto a page, searching for wedding-related clarity and using writing as a means to get me there. Along the way, this blog somehow became so much more than space for my musings. It became a link into a community of other intelligent, strong, conflicted women and men each battling to create meaning and maintain sanity while planning their weddings and marriages. I've read your blogs. I've treasured your comments. I've emailed with some of you along the way. And every bit of that has enriched my life, my wedding, and this process of marriage. 

All of these relationships matter, but I hold a special place in my heart for the women I met right at the beginning of this blogging/engagement journey, when they were at the start of their engagement journeys as well. A Cupcake Wedding is one of those special women. We immediately bonded over a shared appreciation for Jonathan Safran Foer, wedding pinatas, cake alternatives, and a shared frustration about planning a simple wedding on a limited budget. We've been feisty in each others comment sections. We've been indignant over each others' challenges. Most importantly, perhaps, we've cheered each others' victories. 

And Saturday, she's getting married. It makes me so happy that I could cry. In fact, truth be told, I'm getting teary just writing this post. We've traveled this journey together from the start of our blogs and now her wedding journey is finally culminating in her marriage.  She's the first of my from-the-beginning blog peers to reach this point, and I owe so many moments of sanity and clarity to her support and humor along the way. My wedding planning process has been immeasurably enriched by her blog and her friendship, and now her wedding planning process is coming to an end. Her friends and family are wrapping her in their love in these final days and that she's able to see past the ongoing challenges and into everything that matters between her and her partner and among her community. 

Her words have inspired me so much along the way, and her ceremony series alone is reason enough to read her blog. And so, I thought it would be fitting to try and find inspiring words for her, as I wish her and her partner all the joy in the world as they enter into marriage. I had thought of using Jonathan Safran Foer or Pablo Neruda, but their words are already woven into her ceremony and they were hers to choose. And so, instead, I selected some of my favorite musings on love and what it means over a lifetime. Cupcake, congratulations on your marriage, and I'll be thinking of you and your love and joy on Saturday.


But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected. 
-Madeleine L'Engle

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility, it is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity, in freedom. In the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting as it is now. For relationships, too, must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow of intermittency.

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.
- Louis de Bernieres


  1. 3 of my very favorite words on love, the weight of it, and the joy.

    (will be echoing the same good wishes and congratulations on Saturday for Cupcake!)

  2. Such a lovely post! 3 cheers for Cupcake Wedding's wedding on Sat (my friend is getting married the same day!) :)

  3. Beautiful readings especially the first, I loved Cupcake's ceremony series and you and her have been remarkable sources of sanity in this process so yea for you both!

  4. The Louis de Bernieres reading is my absolute favorite. (In tears as I am typing). How beautiful. Best of luck and much love to Cupcake.

  5. My thoughts will be with Cupcake as well on Saturday. I'm so happy for her. The writings you posted were beautiful reflections. Thank you for sharing them.

  6. ah! Love that Madeleine L'Engle piece!
    I love knowing that brides in the blog community have made it - even though I personally don't know her well, I'm still very excited! Good luck on Saturday!

  7. I have been thinking about Cupcake Wedding's upcoming wedding, too. I love, love, love this tribute. And I just want to say I especially love the Lindbergh quote.


  8. This is so wonderful. Cupcake was one of my original homegirl blogging buddies too, and she and her blog have been mainstays in my wed-planning sanity. I lover her. And I love this tribute you wrote to her. Now you got me all misty-eyed too!

    And PS: I'm gonna be a mess when your wedding gets here. A crying, happy mess!

  9. So excited for her! Can't wait to see how it all comes together for both you and her as you both have such great perspectives and a good hold on reality when it comes to your special days. What a sweetie to honor her an wish her well this way:)

  10. Even as a relative newcomer, I feel like I have spent so much time in recent months pouring over these blogs that I, too, am so excited for her as she gets down to her final days before the wedding.

    And thank you for the beautiful words on love and marriage.

    This part of the Madeleine L'Engle passage is my favorite: "When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

  11. This is beautiful. Cupcake was my very first commenter and I feel so lucky to have found her blog. She has been in my thoughts a lot lately too.

    Also, the de Bernieres is one of my favorites.

  12. i love this! i am so glad to have found such an awesome blogging community through wedding planning! it makes me smile like crazy

    oh yeah and yay for cupcake! I am so happy and excited for her!

  13. I will also be thinking of Cupcake and her partner on Saturday! Hooray for a kick-ass park wedding!

    Cheers to her and all of you!

  14. So sweet and lovely! You both make the world a better place!

  15. I enjoy her blog too :) And I have a "blogging buddy" who just got married, and I got so excited for her on her day too, so I know how you feel :)

    Also, you picked 2 out of 3 readings that I was planning to use at my wedding, haha :D Good taste. I think I'm foregoing L'Engle (I liked it more because she was one of my favorite authors as a kid than I did for the content of that passage; I found another passage that spoke to me more) but I think I am going with Lindbergh :)

  16. Madeleine L'Engle's words are simply gorgeous. Congrats to Cupcake wedding.

  17. The sweetest. This post was really touching. I'm sure that she loves this tribute so much.

  18. Cupcake is seriously rad. Hanging out for pinata pictures.

    We used that last passage in our ceremony - love it.


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