Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Still Don't Believe in "The One." However...

Today I wanted to start by revisiting a post from November. Specifically, the post in which I wrote about buying my wedding dress.
As for the idea of "..the wedding dress that I'll just magically know is "The One" for me once I put it on and twirl... I call BS.  I understand that many women have that YesYesYes moment.  Some of my readers have talked to me about it.  There's an entire tv show (and dress salon economy) built around it.  But I'm of the opinion that searching for "The One" dress can be just as damaging and elusive as holding out for Prince Charming."

And then, I found it. A Nicole Miller dress I'd fallen in love with a year ago but mentally put aside due to the price tag ($1800) and fact that it never showed up on the resale sites or ebay. The ad promised me a $600 like-new sample from a salon that had gone out of business. When I finally put on the dress I'd gasped about online, I gasped even more in person.

Of course, I bought the dress.  I couldn't have asked for a better dress shopping experience with a dress that met ALL my dress shopping criteria.

And yet... it's not "the One" and so I've been wracked with self doubt for the last several weeks. I flounced, I fell in love, I bought it for all the right reasons, and now out of nowhere, weeks later I'm suddenly conflicted. What if I want something sleeker and sexier?  What if I really want something short and vintage-inspired?  What if I've also fallen in love with independent designers like Holly Stalder, Elizabeth Dye, and Chrissy Wai Ching?  Those dresses are all off the table now which has led to second-guessing and panic about the dress I actually have.

It is absolutely absurd, and I keep looking back at my list and my photos to calm myself the eff down.  There is no "the One" in partners or dresses, only partners and dresses that work extremely well for each of our individual priorities. A dress is a dress, and I'm going to glow on my wedding day regardless, with the dress fading into the background against our joy."
I just wanted to put that out there, to let you know that I'm fully aware that I (kinda) have to eat my words today in public.  Because today is the day I admit that I am selling my amazing, wonderful, flounced-for-thirty-minutes-straight-when-finding-it inexpensive-yet-spectacular wedding dress. Well, I guess it isn't really my wedding dress.  I'm selling my it-could-have-been-my-wedding-dress dress.

In my defense, it has nothing to do with not being "The One." Since October, I've had a lot of time to try it on again (and again) in the mirror and get a little weepy thinking about the wedding. I love this dress. Let me say that again: I lovelovelove this dress. But, unfortunately, the dress no longer loves me. And by that, I mean that I've lost a few pounds, particularly in the bust area, making this dress really unsuitable for my new body shape. Like grandmothers-would-cry (in a bad way, in the hell-in-a-handbasket-way) unsuitable.  And, unfortunately, based on the style of the dress, it can't quite be tailored to mitigate for the weight loss/shape change. The cut is pretty complicated and would lose a lot/be hundreds of dollars to tailor down enough in a flattering way.  And still, it would better suit a woman with a (now) larger cup size than I.

Also, to clarify, No I most certainly did NOT lose weight "for the wedding." Long term readers may recall a few offhand references to Weight Watchers, which has been my healthy-life-approach of choice for the last several years. Now that I'm back into the healthy swing of things, it's making that wedding dress purchase look really premature. Ridiculous and useless even, since it was such a complicated and unique dress. And I'm both sad and ticked off.  And now, since I obviously need to find a new dress, I just want to find this dress a home with someone who will love it as much as I do.

In conclusion, there certainly isn't just one. In my case, there will be two: the one that got away and the one that has-yet-to-be-found. And, if my recent salon appointments are any indication, finding a dress won't really be an issue since I'm going for simple-with-awesome-accessories and I already found three dresses in my cheapo price range that I'd be happy to buy. No, really, I already found three affordable dresses that I flounced in, so I'm calming down and know I can manage the budget (so long as the first dress sells... fingers crossed. HARD).  And seeing as how I found three dresses I'd be okay with, I'm definitely not holding out for any "the one" moments.  It's still not my thing.  But don't be surprised if some dress posts pop up on the blog since, unsurprisingly, it's on my mind again as I sort through "the many."

So, um, in case you're 5'9", a street size 8 (or 10 would work too), have a large B/small C cup, and are interested, I'm selling it at cost (sample sale price of $600, $625 including shipping). Check out the Recycled Bride sale listing here.  Or click on the (newly added) photo on my sidebar to take you directly to the sale listing.


  1. I wish your dress was remotely my style, because for some reason I'm still not satisfied with my dress...but sadly, I am in no way cool enough to pull that off. Such is life. Good luck selling it - have you thought about listing it in multiple places?

  2. I adoooore the dress your almost-dress, and would buy it if my busty self could ever fit into it without shocking my guests, young and old. Good luck, though, I hope it sells soon!

  3. @Ellie - I've actually listed it several places... they're just pending admin approvals right now. And Recycled Bride is the brainchild of a local eco-entrepreneur here in Los Angeles, so I like that I'm supporting her on my site's primary link.

  4. Sorry to hear you have to let it go. :( But it's awesome to hear about your new, healthy bod! Btw - So jealous you're 5"9. Good luck on finding another dress!

  5. Good luck with the sale. You are so right about there not just being 'one' magic dress. On the day, in the end, I could have been wearing anything.

  6. buyers remorse. It is the gleam of the big day, not the what ifs of tomorrow that make a dress. I hope you find what you are looking for.

  7. I love this dress! I wish I was bigger so I could wear it, but it would be hopelessly too big on me.

  8. It will work out. I have faith. That dress is destined for somebody (else) wonderful, and you will find yours!

  9. @Anon - I'm pretty firmly in the "your day will make you beautiful/it's just a dress" camp. But my "just a dress" truly doesn't fit my body type anymore (perspective: NONE of my clothes fit my body type anymore, and it's a little disconcerting and very expensive to remedy) and it would cost several hundred to tailor into respectibility, and the tailor didn't seem that convinced that it would work well. It's a complicated, non-standard bridal dress. I truly wish it were otherwise, because I really was happy being done with the dress search.

  10. I am kicking myself that I didn't think to try it on while I was down south. It's so gorge. But I am also so short in comparison, in reality it probably would not have worked.

    Good luck. I know it will find a good home with a loving lady.

    And good luck deciding on that new dress to flounce in. :)

  11. If you are even remotely interested, you can totally borrow my dress :) It might not be your style though, but just in case. Fits size (tall/big)6-10ish. Photo:

    Just thought I would put that out there since right now it is collecting dust in my closet!!

    The dress you have now is gorgeous though. I am sad that it isn't working for you anymore!

  12. i completely agree that "the one" is crap. i love my dress, but sometimes i think short and vintage would have been awesome, or sleek and modern, etc.
    i'm sure there are a number of dresses that will look fantastic on you. that dress is so pretty, but you're right to sell it...if it doesn't fit correctly anymore, you can sell it to someone else who falls in love with it.


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