Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Eff It, It's Not a Saturday Night Wedding

In Jewish tradition, we aren't permitted to get married on the Sabbath which, for us, falls on Saturday.  Therefore, from sundown on Friday through sundown on Saturday, all wedding rituals are a no-go.  Well, technically we could start after the 7:15 sunset but, given that we have to get through a ketubah signing, ceremony, and untold numbers of hugs prior to the reception, I'm not willing to make guests wait until 10pm to eat.  I'm also not willing to wait for a holiday weekend to get married (so you have the Sunday-as-Saturday-ish benefit) since flights are always pricier over holiday weekends and I've been stuck shelling out $500 for a few cross-country weddings-on-holiday weekend flights myself.  Given that we want to make this affordable and convenient for our out-of-town friends and family, I refuse to put an extra $200 per person barrier between them and their ability to celebrate our wedding in person.

So we set about planning our Sunday wedding.  So what if the noise restrictions may shut down the party at 10pm?  So what if all our local guests will probably creep home by 10pm for "school night" hours anyhow?  So what if bars aren't generally open late on Sunday night?  We want a party, damnit.  We want a giant mass of revelry and joy.  We want messy dancing and flailing arms and heels-kicked-off getting down action on the party floor.

Which would be fine and totally doable, if we were having a Saturday wedding.  But we're not.  And all this time, we've been trying to plan a Saturday wedding on a Sunday.  I've been making myself sick about how to get that dance party vibe, whether an 8pm-10pm party will feel like a sad truncated junior high dance, whether people will dance if the music is on lower post-10pm volumes, whether we have enough young out-of-towners to keep the dance floor full on a school night, and whether there are any affordable hotels with bars that are open on Sunday for a plan-B afterparty locale.  Because I've been trying to plan a Saturday wedding.  Only I don't have a Saturday wedding.  I have a Sunday wedding.  On a hilltop in the Malibu Canyons that's 30 minutes from the urbanized city.  With a 10pm noise restriction issue.  Given these parameters, I think we've finally realized that our Saturday-type plans just don't make sense.

So eff it.  From here on out we're planning a Sunday wedding, at the site we love that felt 100% right the moment we saw it.  Instead of trying to cram our original wedding ideas into the wrong peg, we're going to see what feels right from a Sunday timing-and-feel perspective.  Perhaps it's a Sunday brunch wedding with an evening pool party at the hotel.  Perhaps it's a boozy Sunday lunch barbecue with lawn games.  Perhaps its an afternoon punch-and-cake soiree with lawn games, a band, and a for-the-kids dance party in a bar close to the hotel.  Or maybe it's a tapas and wine wedding party with light music and dancing.  We don't know.  By finally admitting what our wedding is not, we're finally giving ourselves the chance to discover what it might become.

19 comments:

  1. I went to a Sunday wedding in September that was absolutely lovely. It was an early wedding (we were out by 6pm), but we ate, we danced, we drank and had a great time. Proof that you can still have those Saturday night things even if it's not Saturday and it's not at night.

    Good luck! :)

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  2. Thank you for voicing exactly what is bugging me. I wanted a Sunday wedding initially to make it more acceptable to have a casual, low key wedding with only beer and wine and lighter fare food.
    After reading this, I realized I'm still trying to have a Saturday night wedding. I've been worrying over how to keep the cocktail hour short and the dinner quick so we can dance as much as possible. I think the time has come to admit that other people may not want to dance as much as possible, they may want to eat crabcakes and wander around our venue and play with our photobooth.
    And just like that, I feel better. Thank you.

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  3. All your options sound fabulous! Especially the boozy barbeque and lawn games.

    We had a 10pm sound curfew also, in the national park, and were worried that there wouldn't be enough time for dancing. Turns out that most people can only dance/ watch others dance with a drink in their hand for a couple hours... by the time we shut down the sound, only a few hardcore partiers were left. And, much to my surprise, no one had the energy for an after party!

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  4. Honestly, all of those Sunday options sound more appealing to me than the typical Saturday night wedding - probably because I can't bring myself to dance in public unless I am seriously hammered. I'm sure lots of your guests will feel the same way!

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  5. Ohhh lady. You are smart. There is a wide-open world of options at your fingertips now. And if you still want it, maybe there's a way to work in a proper shoe-kicking-off, arm-flailing dance party, on another night -- whether it be a special night out on the town a with local friends a few weeks before the wedding, or the night before, after sundown (though that could be dangerous, too).

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  6. Oh to be Jewish! We went through the exact same thing! What's funny is that you get the, "Why are you having a wedding on sunday?" from e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e! My Jewish (reform) relatives even questioned it.

    Anyway - we're just like you, we want that blowout as well, but on a Sunday night. That's why we're requiring everyone that comes to the wedding reception to drink 4 shots of vodka before they can sit down at their seat. Kidding, but not a terrible idea.

    Fortunately, we do have to shut down music around 10ish, but we've been told that the party can go all night. So my thoughts are that it'll be a dance party that will (in my head) transition into drinks with friends. We're getting married at the most awesome b&b and since we've rented it out they said we can drink till the sun comes up if we want to.

    They had me at "drink till the sun comes up".

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  7. your wedding is going to be a fantastic PARTY. Yes, PARTY. even if it's on a sunday with noise restrictions and a 10PM cut-off time. You, my dear Becca, are fun, and joyful, and a gal who sounds like she can make a party happen no matter where she is... SO, with that said, there is absolutely no way your wedding will not be as fun as if it were on a saturday. the love laughter and joy on your wedding day will be so infectious that people will naturally party their asses off. even if that means hittin' the sauce at noon... and all the sunday wedding ideas you listed are fabulous. and i have no doubt that your friends will join in on the after-party - even if it's a school night! shit, girl, i'll show up to the after-party!

    also, i know jenn from a bride's brain and the brokeass bride had sunday weddings... and we KNOW those ladies like to party... so perhaps they have some advice.

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  8. we had a sunday wedding and it totally rocked.

    sunday afternoon dessert reception til like 6. then we took close family and friends out to a wind-down dinner. then we stayed at a bar til 2am with the last of the die-hards. it felt like we had a weekend-long wedding.

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  9. I never knew that Jewish wedding can't take place on Saturdays. I think you can have an awesome party on a Sunday. Who doesn't want to get crazy the day before they have to back to work? Your wedding will be a lot better than some Saturday wedding I have been to.

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  10. We are having a Saturday night wedding that must end at ten. I'm (naively?) planning a crazy dance party. I think you just need to provide the drinks and as your guests lose their inimbitions it will all flow naturally.

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  11. All your Sunday options sound so great! And since it'll be at a place you love then I think you'll enjoy it no matter what day its on

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  12. I was a Sunday wedding too. It was cheaper by $5K, and the party ended around 10:30 when the shuttle showed up to take folks back to the hotel. It totally worked for us. No one got sloppy drunk. It was great. Do your thing, girl and it will be great - even if it's on a freakin' Tuesday.

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  13. I totally agree with this approach to planning. Figure out what you are not having and then figure out what you are having. Sunday weddings are the *best* just a personal opinion!

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  14. Love all those Sunday wedding ideas. Pool party could be very fun... and an excuse to buy a killer cute swim suit!

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  15. I think people will get down regardless if you and the mister are getting down. We are having a lunch-ish time wedding on a thursday and don't plan on having a lot of dancing there. Our plan is to go out after the wedding to the local hotels/hot spots in the area to boogie.

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  16. Liz and I, besides having similar blog names, had a similar schedule. The whole order of formal events - 12 pm-6 pm on a Sunday. We hung out with our out of towners until 3 am just jumping from hotel room to hotel room and hanging at a random lounge they picked.

    Guess what? People will still rock out. It helped that we were indoors in the main lower level (lack of light makes people think it's later?) and that we had a salsa lesson during the reception. People will dance.

    Do NOT assume people won't drink Sunday day time. We did and it cost us a lot in alcohol overage costs. People freaking drink a ton or just get drinks to try them. Lushes, but they were my lushes.

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  17. I don't have much to say other than YAY!! Good for you! Sounds like it will be great!

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  18. Yes to the late night dancing. I think I dance better when the music is lower anyway and I would drink and giggle and love!

    Do whatever you think will work and you will still have the booze and giggles and dancing and love!

    Eff it! My new favourite phrase! You are so on the money!

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  19. As a kid, I remember going to all these Mexican weddings and dang, they would last until the wee hours. I can't imagine doing that at our wedding.
    We are also having a Sunday wedding. We have to have the music off my 9:30. But I tell you, I plan to be getting down with my bad-self between the hours of 7:30 and 9:30.
    I expect that many people may be tired after that and go home. But if a few close friends want to keep partying with us elsewhere, that sounds just perfect.

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