I am so. over. weddings. Well, not all weddings, but mine in particular. I'm sure your wedding is going to be lovely. Mine, on the other hand, feels like a huge expensive stressful beast of an event that's taking me further and further from the parts that mattered in the first place: love, a public commitment shared with our loved ones, and a celebration of that commitment and joy. Instead, my brain keeps playing over logistics scenarios and rapidly mounting costs and getting increasingly frustrated that all this effort and expense will buy us a pretty, pricey, stressful-though-joyful party in which we don't get to spend much time with each other or with our loved ones after all.
And so, just as Jason started getting excited about the details, I couldn't take it anymore. He showed me a picture of a succulent bouquet he thought I might like and I nearly ripped his head off. Granted, it wasn't really my aesthetic cup of tea, but I clearly wasn't reacting to the floral arrangement. Having Jason care about my damn bouquet* was just one more negotiation in a string of neverending negotiations and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take thinking about posts for this blog, or reading other people's wedding blog posts, or even thinking about weddings for one single moment. I begged Jason to elope (and I don't beg. I perhaps, on occasion, whine a bit, but I never beg. Except about eloping - there was a definite pleaspleasplease moment.) He vehemently declined. I therefore continued to feel resentful about the stupid expensive wedding.
Until tonight. I did some more elopement whining tonight (I've moved beyond the begging), said some things I regret, and shared a few epiphanies with Jason after the anger subsided a bit. Epiphany number one: eff it if it's not fun. It sounds so simple now that we're saying it out loud and in context: If it's not fun to plan, eff it. Either we're going to throw some minimal money at it to make it go away or eff it altogether. Lanterns look pretty and would go splendidly in our reception space, but I can't think of anything more miserable than climbing ladders that morning to hang lanterns and we're certainly not paying someone to come in and hang lanterns (because duh, they're lanterns and I'm not in the "hire an event designer and team" budget category). So eff it. Centerpieces can certainly tie together a room and it might be fun to style a cohesive concept but, if we start bickering about flowers, tea lights or succulents, it's no longer any fun. So eff it. Short of effing the entire damn wedding, we're suddenly a lot more willing to say a big eff it left and right and all over. Save the dates? Eff it and give your grandparents a call. Catered meal? Eff it and hire a taco truck. Trying to plan a DJ dance party with Sunday night noise restrictions? Eff it and head back to the hotel lounge. I refuse to spend the next year not having fun because I'm stressing about planning and paying for this thing. So eff it. If it's not fun, freaking eff it all.
*to clarify, Jason doesn't actually give two hoots about my bouquet choices. He was trying to be helpful when I'd already hit my "visual inspiration" breaking point.