Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Why I Want To Get Married

When I get stressed, I am a grumpy mess.  And by mess, I literally mean mess.  Like clothes all over the floor, can't be bothered to deal with the household chores, MESS.  And these last two weeks were more stressful than normal people should ever have to endure.  Let's just say I slept about 6 hours this past weekend, total, at the tail end of a grueling few weeks at work, pushing through to an absurd deadline.  The level of mess and stress was simply unfathomable.

This was hardly the first time for my stress-mess implosion. My job is not exactly a walk in the park; for all of the amazing things I love about it, and for all of the world-changing green tech projects I get to make happen, there's very little park walking involved. (Let's just say that I'd appreciate a little more hippie environmentalism in my environmental industry life sometimes.)  But... as awful as the last few weeks were, it was also the best stress-mess implosion I've ever experienced.  It was somewhat related to the fact that Jason kindly took care of this dishes and making my healthy lunches while ignoring my raincoats and umbrellas strewn about the apartment.  But mostly, it had everything to do with just knowing he was there.  He called to say hello when I most needed it at 11pm.  He made space for my frazzled ball of stressness without complaint and with multiple hugs.  He reminded me each day that I'm not alone in this, that this will end and he'll still be there and that we can go hiking together next weekend (or whenever it next stops raining.) 

This feeling of having committed to each other is powerful stuff, more than I ever could have imagined in my single days and in my unhappily coupled days.  Because I know he's always going to be there for me.  And I for him.  And if marriage is nothing more than knowing in my core that I have a nook to climb into at the end of the day and a fun-partner for the days when we can leave work behind, then I'm okay with that.  I don't know what precisely the wedding is going to change about our relationship, our sense of being home with each other, or our knowledge that we're somewhat stronger and better when the other is around but, if it's anything like this, I can hardly wait to be married to Jason.

It's been a crazy few weeks.  Blogging will recommence as usual within a day or two.  In the meantime, it was nice to get a reminder of what all this wedding-related effort is actually for.

18 comments:

  1. this really struck a chord with me. i've been feeling totally overwhelmed the last few weeks, and i probably should've taken a step back and been thankful that he was just there. instead, i took my frustration with work and family out on him, which isn't really fair. i think i'll try to be more grateful.

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  2. "And if marriage is nothing more than knowing in my core that I have a nook to climb into at the end of the day and a fun-partner for the days when we can leave work behind, then I'm okay with that."

    Basically brought tears to my eyes. Yes. My fiance is the calm and I'm the storm. But it's a perfect combination, and I love it.

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  3. Wedding planning is hard, work is made challenging by very challenging people, my dad is dying and my mother is going nuts, and so on. And the boy is there and does more than I can tell you to keep my sane(ish). Just knowing that he will catch me if I crumble, and will support me through whatever happens, gives me strength. That, and the industrial strength hugs? I'll get through this, and we'll be stronger for it. Like you, I can't wait to be actually married.

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  4. It does change a little after the wedding - it gets better. :)
    So glad you're getting the vibe early!

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  5. Aw, I love it. You are a lucky girl. I hope that you continue to be reminded by Jason over and over again why you are so in love with him. I have been feeling a little stressed at work the past week or two as well...it is usually a NON stress place for me, very relaxed for sure...but lately my boss thinks the world revolves around him and every bank, contractor and employee needs to drop everything and all their other tasks, customers, etc to handle all of his needs! UGH! I feel for you...hang in there!

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  6. This put a smile on my face for so many reasons. I've been dealing with a lot of friends going through break-ups (even divorce) lately, so it is nice to come here and see some affirmation for all the feelings I've got going on inside.

    Hope things get easier for you soon!

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  7. @anon - I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. We haven't had to deal with family members passing, but we're intimately familiar with illness and hospitals and how they all get mixed up in the wedding planning emotions. My heart goes out to you, and I'm glad you have your boy to come home to.

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  8. I have no intelligent response except to say your words made me grin.

    I'm glad you've finally come out the other side.

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  9. Love this post.

    Also love that he packs your lunch. What a man!

    And I totally feel you on the stress - mess thing. I just seem to get overwhelmed when I'm stressed and just don't know where to start.

    Being married doesn't feel as different as I thought it would. But there is a wonderful realization that you're not alone anymore. Knowing that makes everything feel better.

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  10. hooray for a beautiful relationship fostered by love :)

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  11. Aww and yes! Finding that person that sees you through your trying times - that is what life is about.

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  12. I love this post! You go Jason! Isn't this what relationships and marriage are supposed to be all about! We are truly blessed to have great guys in our lives!

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  13. Um, seriously I love you and just when I was all "I am in serious A LA Love withdrawal" you come back with this and make me fall all over again. YES, YES, YES!!!! so totally what this is all about.

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  14. Yes yes yes. It is so wonderful to know that no matter what there is someone there.

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  15. Hope it lightens up for you soon. Coming home to someone who takes care of you is the best feeling. Especially, when he hands you that much needed glass of wine. :)

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