The Day After You Get Engaged

One unexpected benefit of our drawn-out proposal process was how it prepared us for the barrage of questions that followed our official engagement announcement.  It’s as if most people lose their ability to think logically when they hear the word “engagement” or see the sparkle of a new ring and they begin asking questions and saying things such as,

“So when’s the big day?”
“Where are you planning on getting married?”
“Don’t go and become a bridezilla now.”
“Don’t put a Cuisinart on your registry – that’s my present to you.”

Um, two days after the proposal most of us are simultaneously floating in joy while trying to conquer a huge to-call list for the announcement.  We probably haven’t given much thought to wedding dates or details (do you know how long the venue search takes in Los Angeles?) and many of us already have extensive kitchen utensils, or may not even want a registry in the end. 

Oy.  On the plus side, J and I were prepared to deal with the insanity.  We’d already decided that we want a longer engagement; we just moved in and want time to enjoy being together/learning how to live together before adding the stress and compromise of wedding planning. We also want more time to save for the wedding, so we’re thinking Spring 2011 is an affordable timeframe.  Apparently, once you tell people about a far-off date they aren’t interested in the details anymore (and any wedding-eyed girlfriends or coworkers are left without conversational gambits that revolve around my being a bride.  Thank goodness.)  With our long timeframe, other comments about how everything books up quickly and you’d better get cracking on making reservations don’t really hold much water.  Also, it sounds positively un-“bridezilla”-like to wait and responsibly save for a wedding, so these comments fall flat (or are met with angry if-looks-could-kill daggers).  

And as for the Cuisinart comment, as much as my internal aspiring gourmet loves kitchen gadgetry (if you’ve ever tried to make falafel by mashing chickpeas in a blender, you too would be thrilled about the offer of a Cuisinart) I was at least ready to stutter out (and mean it) some sort of thank-you-that’s-so-thoughtful-but-your-presence-will-be-present-enough response. 

So my best piece of advice so far is to talk with your partner before the excited phone calls and decide how you’re going to respond to silliness.  Also, please remember to giggle about all these conversations together at the end of each day.